Business
Bathrobes that do not come with a detachable belt are way better for chronic masturbators
Millions boycott Nintendo after Animal Crossing added a Charlie Chaplin mustache on Hitler’s half birthday
Gold Bond’s rough & bumpy skin cream is for your legs and mustn’t be used on elbows
To compete with McDonald’s Monopoly promotion, Burger King has placed a tracking device inside of 6 fake onion rings and if you’re lucky enough to choke on one, you will be glad you almost died
There are more doctors named Tim than you’d expect
A new study has found that 7% of silica gel packets contain Parmesan cheese
Thieves who dust hard to reach air vents, before leaving the premises, are given an avenue to sell the items they stole at full retail value instead of whatever those cheapskates at pawn shops offer. They’re the real criminals
A new start-up is paying people to gossip about their neighbor’s dogs in hopes that it will drive traffic to thousands of under-utilized animal behavior therapists
There may be a sloth piggy bank shortage, but you’d think quite the contrary if you were to visit your local Hobby Lobby
Amazon bans the sale of legal aged silicone masturbatory vaginas just weeks before the election causing some political commentators to ponder whether or not this is good or bad for radical pedophilia
Nature Valley’s family pack includes a dustpan, but you need to mail in 4 UPCs to receive broom
Thousands boycott Cafe Gratitude all because “cum for me” is now the required phrase to get extra icing
Carpet manufacturers are now including bottles of dye to bleach and re-dye your carpet, instead of using a carpet cleaner, which is expected to bankrupt Bissell by 2023
The new MINI Cooper will feature a drainable floor mat allowing you to urinate in traffic
Rust-oleum wins bid to repaint The White House, but now Trump gets to decide on it being chiffon cream or alabaster
The Hydrogenated Tallow Acid in Irish Spring’s original soap is derived from cows that have a direct ancestral link to ones owned by the guy who bullied Hitler and made fun of his paintings
Firestone unveiled new thinner but thicker tire at Zoom Zoom Zoom 2020
Alcohol prep pad company goes out of business after not being able to afford a new perforation blade
