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BREAKING NEWS
  • The White House is giving away their chairs, as long as you’re willing to give away your chairs to them, so it’s really more of a trade
  • Amazon doesn’t allow their employees to use the restroom, because they keep stealing the Amazon Basics Toilet Tissue
  • The strongest ant in the world was just seen rolling a hush puppy up a tree to its lazy family
  • King Charles III now identifies as Queen Charles the First
  • A guy in Iowa thought some dried cum on his hand was eczema, then went to a doctor, the doctor agreed, and he’s now suing for the misdiagnosis
  • That spider you tried to kill has been laying eggs in your tea kettle FOR WEEKS
  • The oldest photo with 3 people wearing hats has been donated to every museum but gets rejected every time
  • Home Depot is recalling a few million plants after finding Dippin’ Dots in the soil
  • Typo by Clarance Thomas makes abortion mandatory
  • Several schools in Eastern Iowa are forcing their students to wear a bracelet if they’re Pagan
  • One person’s Palo Santo is another person’s oak dipped in perfume and then placed in a bag that says Authentic Palo Santo and then sold to the first person mentioned
  • Flamingo leg bone marrow contains more protein than roughly 2 cows
  • Foamy carwashes may look cute but they’re turning penises softer and not a single scientist even wants to hypothesize why this is happening
  • Sir Ringo and Sir Paul were seen buying a bunch of fertilizer, so they were put on the terrorism watchlist just in case
  • California’s Police Academy is running out of instructors due to persuasive students
  • If you think gas prices are high, wait til you see how much a gallon of giraffe pee costs
  • Lysol recalls 650,800 bottles of shower cleaner that make your shower dirtier
  • One man in China has a secret he’ll only tell you if you bring him candies from a far away land
  • The first documented “uh oh that wasn’t just gas” sold for way too much money yesterday
  • Big Bird interrupted a peaceful Westboro Baptist Church protest by stealing the second letter ‘H’ in “ALL WHORES GO TO HELL” from a CHILD
  • Kosovo’s top turmeric wholesaler has started to sell it as brown sugar to people who tragically lost their sense of taste while battling COVID-19
  • Senate to vote on a law that would make an 8+ layered lasagna a misdemeanor to make and a felony to consume
  • Humans are forgetting how to blow their noses and one scientist from Bolivia thinks she may know why

Joe Biden: “All I wanted was a minute alone with Ep and then the coward goes and kills himself.”

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Hermit crabs using crumpled water bottles as a shell makes top marine biologist question if pollution is truly bad

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Children who bite off Sour Patch feet first need to be surveilled

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Bath toys are being left in sink at an alarming rate

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Lawn darts to be considered for 2046 Olympics pending available grass

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Duct taping a can of room deodorizer spray behind fan, Bill Nye cleverly tweets in Wingdings, is the quickest way to freshen a musty old suit

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Orgasms during birthing process lead to child developing mom-son fetish, recent Frank Luntz poll shows

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Algorithm uses first cries outside of womb to determine life expectancy

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JeffreyEpstein.co sends you to google.com/

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JefferyEpstein.com redirects to Pizzagate on UrbanDictionary.com

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Harpo Marx’s real name was not funny at all

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Trump’s golf balls contain passion fruit core

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Donald Trump wears “Pikachu tie” to Barron’s Pokemon themed birthday bash

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Melania lost Donald’s favorite red tie from Ronald Reagan

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Andrew Yang suggests a UBI of $1475 instead of $1000 may get him more votes

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Bill Nye worried alien life may be too ugly to look at

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Marine life refuse to eat millions of Barbie lost at sea

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White people who call Trump racist usually have white significant other and white friends, study finds

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Vigorously brushing front teeth first sign of something yet to be determined

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Branch from tree hit by Sonny Bono to be auctioned off at MAGA rally in hometown

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