Bathrobes that do not come with a detachable belt are way better for chronic masturbators
The likelihood of accidentally stepping on a creature increases while wearing shoes
If you LOVE cauliflower, you have fewer than 2 Black friends, according to a recent Frank Luntz poll
Millions boycott Nintendo after Animal Crossing added a Charlie Chaplin mustache on Hitler’s half birthday
Gold Bond’s rough & bumpy skin cream is for your legs and mustn’t be used on elbows
Elephant tranquilizer darts will now be used instead of tasers by all peace officers
To compete with McDonald’s Monopoly promotion, Burger King has placed a tracking device inside of 6 fake onion rings and if you’re lucky enough to choke on one, you will be glad you almost died
There are more doctors named Tim than you’d expect
Zooming in on denim is safer than doing drugs, man
Bunyans are slowly becoming attractive and are expected to reach peak hotness by 2023
A new study has found that 7% of silica gel packets contain Parmesan cheese
Thieves who dust hard to reach air vents, before leaving the premises, are given an avenue to sell the items they stole at full retail value instead of whatever those cheapskates at pawn shops offer. They’re the real criminals
PBS NewsHour apologizes for bad stitching on tote bags and offers a refund if you buy another thing first
Doctors have found Coronavirus in the brains of cadavers, but it’s possibly from cracking open skulls with dirty tools or from using Q-Tips
A new start-up is paying people to gossip about their neighbor’s dogs in hopes that it will drive traffic to thousands of under-utilized animal behavior therapists
There may be a sloth piggy bank shortage, but you’d think quite the contrary if you were to visit your local Hobby Lobby
Alpha waves have been beta this entire time
Amazon bans the sale of legal aged silicone masturbatory vaginas just weeks before the election causing some political commentators to ponder whether or not this is good or bad for radical pedophilia
